trespassing

you know how you're supposed to wish for something to happen when the clock strikes 11.11, 22.22 or 00.00 .. but what if the clock turns 11.12, 22.23 or 00.01 in the middle of your wish? does that mean that your wish isn't going to come true? is it gods way of showing that the thing you're asking for is impossible?

breakdown

i don't know what's happening. i cry every day. i struggle every day. i'm having a breakdown every day - or maybe just one big breakdown that has lasted for several days. i don't really know. all i know is that it's just one more day in school until i can relax and sleep. i really need to do that.

listening: timo, teitur
doing: school, homework
watching: svu, shear genius

you know..

(on our balcony in tunisia. boyfriends shirt and glasses)


when someone crosses the road when a car is approaching, the driver always mutter bad names. sometimes i cross the road just to know what someone is saying about me. the truth is always better than uncertainty.

strike

gosh, i'm drowning. i have too much to do. i really mean it, too much. today i broke down and cried for like two hours. i realized how much money i've spent in less than a week. about £70, maybe a little bit more. and then i saw it, £4 left. until the 28th next month! that's over a month..
an then there is school.. one paper due today, a whole rapport on my project due in about two weeks, two books that has to be read and done next week, one book until friday that i don't even have, i had a test today, a groupworkpresentation next week.. well, the list is long. and i have a little bit of panic about one subject that i'm afraid of failing in. one of the subjects i love the most. i really have to go to every one of those lessions from now on and ask the teacher what i have to do to get a good grade.

i'm stressed out and need to read my book now, then sleep so i have the strenght to go up at 6.45 in the morning, to go to school at 7.30. i really don't like this, i feel like shit and i'm so stressed that i just want to take a vacation. gah.

listening: manic street preachers, no doubt
doing: sushi, shopping
watching: 'not without my daughter', magazines

records

today i bought a beautiful album. on the first page i glued on words that i cut out from magazines.

i also bought a golden chain and a dark green string that i plaited together into a bracelet.

i had a creative day. i love these kinds of days. and oh, i ate sushi for lunch today! lovely.

i'm watching a movie right now, 'not without my daughter' awful, beautiful and sad film. i have the book at home too, but i haven't read it. i have to do that!

style

late for school today but mom gave me a ride there when i woke up. long day today, i fell asleep when i got home. slept for about 2-3 hours and then i woke up and made dinner. after that i finished my homework so i'll have the weekend free from that. now i'm watching special victims unit and planning on making some popcorn and maybe a smoothie.
i'm planning on sleeping early tonight, so i'll be able to wake up in the morning. i really go to bed too late at nights. it's not good for me, i miss out on things in school.

this is yesterdays paintings. i'm really satisfied with the one of my dad, in gray. i think it looks just like him. i'm pretty sure it does.
me and mia were great today in school. finished our scienseproject and we're almost done with another one too. right now i'm wrighting om another schoolwork and it's pretty much only one thing left to do this work, another wrighting thing. that i'll do tomorrow on our very long break (about two hours).
i bought two books today, for about £1 each. a real catch! i have to tidy up my room today so i find that book i have to return to the library! important. after that i'll probably paint a little bit. i love my new pencils! i absolutely adore them.

rise

right now i'm eating chocolatepudding and watching a documentary about a girl with two faces in india. and i just saw and realized that the bracelets you buy on touristplaces (you know those that are plaited or twisted together with all kinds of pearls on) .. when they make them, they tie one of the ends to their toes. AND I HATE FEETS AND TOES AND EVERYTHING ABOUT THEM! Exept for shoes, those i love. anyway, i may never be able to use those bracelets again!

this documentary is very interesting. they think she's a godess and compares her to one of their gods that has three faces. right now she is very tiny and has lost a lot of weight. scary to see, shes all shrinkled up. it looks like she's half the size she was in the beginning of the documentary. they on't know if she has one or two brains, how her body looks like inside from the mouth and down. but why hasn't they done an exray yet? uhm.

i bought new pencils today. 'water color pencils' they are called. it's 24 pencils in all kinds of colors and in the middle of the box there's a little paintbrush that you dip in water and drags/draws across and over your painting. voilá! beautiful. you'll see my paintings tomorrow, i don't have the energy to look for the camera right now, hah.

i'm longing for friday. money, sushi and shopping!

listening: the strokes, tracy chapman
doing: school, guitar hero, drawing
watching: lipstick jungle, old paintings

space

sometimes
you see things bigger than they actually are
but most likely you'll see them smaller
do you know what it's like to face your conscience?
do you know what it's like to struggle with regret?
.. every day
?

w o r d s a r e b e a u t i f u l
diffuse ephemeral fragile laughter breath loving picture lilac missiv rhapsody whisper passion smile eternity destiny cherish autumn hope lullaby faith sophisticated delicate golden mist peace symbiosis transparent silence pure poetic lyrics light gleam felicity enchanted echo ebony clarity fragile champagne inspire twilight fade ash belive trust grace happiness give lonely nourish wish blossom enthusiasm rainbow mirror nothing things ought magical secret centuries

listening: melody club, drake bell
doing: games, talking
watching: scrubs, satc

kick

my new shoes are pretty and i think i love them. it's kind of a little crush. not like the crush you feel for a person, more of a proud crush. proudness over the owning of the thing you have a crush at/for.
now i'm just rambling.

today, me and alex woke up late, wich was a little bit sad 'cause he went home today. we had a good weekend, the best one in a long time. we went shopping, went to the cinema, took baths, played games, watched movies and layed in bed just holding each other. i loved this weekend. and i really love that boy!

tomorrow it's school again, an i'm actually looking forward to it - but only a little bit.
uhm, to be honest, the reason is mostly because i'm gonna take a big, big piece of paper with me home. i need it to 'scrapbook' some things.
right now there is a film about an airplane that's(was?) going to burst into the world trade center. it started ten minutes ago and i think i'm gonna shut down my computer and watch it now. or i'll leave the computer on, hah, most likely i'll do that.

listening: melody club, white stripes
doing: bathing, talking on the phone
watching: photographs, magazines

skript

jeans weekday, shirt maxi, hat h&m

today i woke up a little too late, but hey, that's okay. ate chicken wings and some tomato-chilisause for lunch, took a bath and listened to music on top volume. i don't think my neighbours appreciated it.

soon i'm gonna give my littlesister a ride to a birthday-party and then i'm going to buy some food for this weekend. later i'm heading down to the trainstation to pick up alex.

one week ago simon hung himself. funeral 10 a.m february 6th. it's alredy gone a week.

haze

yesterday i spent most of my day in bed. today i didn't feel well so i skipped school. i bought thai sushi for lunch (sushi and thaifood) and ate it in bed. lovely. my dad gave me some money today, so i think i'm gonna buy a bag and a dress or a pair of shoes. But that will have to wait until tomorrow after school. Now i really have to clean up this mess i've got in my room - it looks like i had a robbery or something!
tonight i'll have a real tv-evening with chocolatepudding! yummie.

i bought two shirts today. one dark green (almost black) and one white and grey-checked. and the price? about £4 for both of them together.

listening: norah jones, timo
doing: school, homework
watching: shear genius, the satc-movie

spin

linen h&m, dress from mom's closet, big scarf thailand


yesterday my sewingmachine broke. i was working on a bag when all the sudden everything started to sound wierd and the thread was really strange, it looked like i've been knitting or something insted of just being a straight line of thread. annnoying 'cause i wanted to finish the bag and i have no idea what's wrong with the sewingmachine.. i've cleared out under, where the underthread is, but it didn't help. i am in the need of somebody handy who can fix it for me!

answer me this, if it all started with big bang, what existed before big bang? i know, little particles circulating around, but how did they get there? what existed before that? and if everything began at one point, what was it like before that? and how did that get there?

lockup

listening: bob dylan, oasis

doing: school, sewing

watching: lipstick jungle, seinfeld

star

school - science, religion, swedish, peace&conflictstudies. for lunch we got wrinkled crumpled sausages. yummi? no, not really. now i'm popping oasis on my stereo and i'm gonna put up my new painting/picture(with a frame) on the wall. it's marilyn monroe on it and i got it for christmas. i better play some guitar too, so i don't forget the new song i've learned.

scrapbook

tshirt ginatricot, letherjacket new yorker

this day began with a call from my mother, telling me to get up. i picked up my homework and began reading about .. well, actually i'm not really sure. all i know is that i have a test tomorrow and a whole chapter i was supposed to read and i'm not done yet.

i watched to satc-movie again today. it's lovely and i can't get enough! and oh, i made the best lemonsalad ever today! with carrots, salad, lemon and cottage cheese. i swear, it tasted like heaven. after my late lunch a took a nice relaxing bubblebath and lighted some candles. i love to bath, it's a good way to relax and think - and think is someting i often do.

tomorrow it's school again, nine o'clock. not something i look forward to.

rythm

listening: amy mcdonald, kate nash
doing: baking, pilates
watching: are you smarter than a fifthgrader?, what's love got to do with it?

folsom prison

leggings weekday, linen h&m, shoes mothers vintage, big scarf thailand


today I'm creative. I've sorted my cd's after interest, I've made some great founds in my mothers closet, I've taking care of some photoworks and after this post I'm gonna do my pilates and then maybe read a book. there is one thing that really buggs me, why is I spelled with a big 'i'? it ruins the greatness with being able to write with just small letters. buhu me, i know. (notice that i'm no longer doing big i:s) last night alice in videoland had a gig at a local club and thanks to my extremly boring friends i didn't go. no one wanted to join me.


now: lunch - quinoasalad

crush

listening: johnny cash, the filthy youth
doing: sleeping, bathing
watching: friends, the satc-movie