Monday 27 April 2009
how am i supposed to be able to sleep now? i've alredy taken 7 sleepingpills today and 5 is the maximum amount a day. i cant take any more and i cant sleep without them. but honesty, they dont really help that much. i mean, after i took 7 of them - it took 1,5 hours until i fell asleep.
they dont help me fall asleep but they make me sleep different. i dream strange dreams, i get really warm and sweaty. and i am really confused when i wake up. and my head is hurting soooo bad. i just wanted to sleep.
they dont help me fall asleep but they make me sleep different. i dream strange dreams, i get really warm and sweaty. and i am really confused when i wake up. and my head is hurting soooo bad. i just wanted to sleep.
39 days to graduation
today i want to kill pretty much everyone around me. i hate my new teacher - she is the most annoying person i've ever met. i hate everyone who is pregnant! everywhere i look there's a new one. 4 of my friends had a baby last year and now i know 4 that are pregnant - and today i saw another one, a girl at my school. i hate them. i hate them all so damn much. i KNOW they dont want a baby as much as i do and why should they have babies when i couldnt? i hate them. i cant stand them.
and i get sooo annoyed when people dont realize that they are disturbing. they expect the whole world to ajust to them. they think that just because they feel like talking - we want to listen. they expect us to drop everything just to hear their annoying voices. the whole class is listening to the teacher - except for those who has left the room to start working. and they stamble in - apoligizes for the delay and starts talking about what they want to do with the assigment. they dont care at all that we were talking and had alredy started the lession.
trying to shut them up, someone says that one of them should go out because she had alredy heard what the teacher was saying and could start working and that we really want to continue now.
but now, its all about them. if they want to talk - they talk. if the rest of the class, including the teacher, was in the middle of something - it doesnt matter.
the funny thing is - its only ONE person in these two classes that haven't complained about this and said that the are extremly annoyed by it. ONE single person.
and you can clearly see that the teachers agree with the rest of us. thank god it's only about 25 school-days left and then you're gone.
i bought new sunglasses and tomorrow im taking the train to alex. yes, tomorrow. we dont have any school on wednesday. thats saras birthday and i have no idea what to give her, im broke. i hope alex can borrow me some money or something.. thursday it's the last of april - that means party, in uppsala. and im meeting an old friend of mine, that i havent seen for probably 3 years. maybe 4.
now im gonna go take some sleepingpills and sleep for a few hours.
and i get sooo annoyed when people dont realize that they are disturbing. they expect the whole world to ajust to them. they think that just because they feel like talking - we want to listen. they expect us to drop everything just to hear their annoying voices. the whole class is listening to the teacher - except for those who has left the room to start working. and they stamble in - apoligizes for the delay and starts talking about what they want to do with the assigment. they dont care at all that we were talking and had alredy started the lession.
trying to shut them up, someone says that one of them should go out because she had alredy heard what the teacher was saying and could start working and that we really want to continue now.
but now, its all about them. if they want to talk - they talk. if the rest of the class, including the teacher, was in the middle of something - it doesnt matter.
the funny thing is - its only ONE person in these two classes that haven't complained about this and said that the are extremly annoyed by it. ONE single person.
and you can clearly see that the teachers agree with the rest of us. thank god it's only about 25 school-days left and then you're gone.
i bought new sunglasses and tomorrow im taking the train to alex. yes, tomorrow. we dont have any school on wednesday. thats saras birthday and i have no idea what to give her, im broke. i hope alex can borrow me some money or something.. thursday it's the last of april - that means party, in uppsala. and im meeting an old friend of mine, that i havent seen for probably 3 years. maybe 4.
now im gonna go take some sleepingpills and sleep for a few hours.
Sunday 26 April 2009
absent
i thought it was going to be really sunny today - i had heard that it would be even warmer than yesterday. so i got out of bed by nine, ate breakfast and was redy to go outside by nine thirty. i realized that it was only 8*c outside so i went to get a big sweather and began walking 'round the river instead. when i got back home i went inside and got a blanket and a pillow. i layed down in the grass and listened to the ipod. after about 30 minutes it got too cold so i went inside and slept on the couch until three.
i ate some soup, watched ugly betty, talked to alex, made a graduationinvitation to my grandfather (that i'm going to post after i've written this) and ate some strawberrysorbet.
now im going to take my bike to the local store, by some cocos and post the invitation to my grandfather. when i get back home i'm gonna make some coco-tops, read blogs and i have to hurry, because in 50 minutes one tree hill starts and after that it's gossip girl!
i ate some soup, watched ugly betty, talked to alex, made a graduationinvitation to my grandfather (that i'm going to post after i've written this) and ate some strawberrysorbet.
now im going to take my bike to the local store, by some cocos and post the invitation to my grandfather. when i get back home i'm gonna make some coco-tops, read blogs and i have to hurry, because in 50 minutes one tree hill starts and after that it's gossip girl!
carve
i got that feeling today again. that heavy, panicing, ghastling, breathtaking and awful feeling.
how am i supposed to handle it? what can i do to make it disappear? how can i make it better again? what can i do to help myself? to survive? for how long will this go on? it's hurting. this is destroying everything. myself and the people around me. oh please, go away.
how am i supposed to handle it? what can i do to make it disappear? how can i make it better again? what can i do to help myself? to survive? for how long will this go on? it's hurting. this is destroying everything. myself and the people around me. oh please, go away.
Friday 24 April 2009
sleep now
tired tired tired
my eyes stings
dude, where's my car?
i fell asleep at 5.30
layed awake the whole night
heard my mum making coffe
then i finally fell asleep
the alarm went off 1hour later
slept until twelve
gonna finish the third gossip girl-book
i want the 4th one too
unfortenately i can't afford it
poor me
alex is going on a 4 hour cruise tomorrow
he's gonna buy me my favourite candy -
chocolatefilled liquoricecannons
that will make my day
but i won't get them until wednesday
that's when we'll meet again
i'm taking the train there then
my eyes stings
dude, where's my car?
i fell asleep at 5.30
layed awake the whole night
heard my mum making coffe
then i finally fell asleep
the alarm went off 1hour later
slept until twelve
gonna finish the third gossip girl-book
i want the 4th one too
unfortenately i can't afford it
poor me
alex is going on a 4 hour cruise tomorrow
he's gonna buy me my favourite candy -
chocolatefilled liquoricecannons
that will make my day
but i won't get them until wednesday
that's when we'll meet again
i'm taking the train there then
Thursday 23 April 2009
nails
i've been absent for two days now..
yesterday we got our graduationhats, finally! i bought some new stuff.. fabrics and so. started on a skirt for my little sister and another skirt for myself. and made some bracelets. and earings.
today i slept 'til two o'clock. then i made some more bracelets.. i've made 13 bracelets during these two days, and two pair of earings. and i have 7 bracelets that i have started on, but not finished.i was planning on posting pictures of everything, but i can't find the transfering-wire.. i'll look for it tomorrow.
this day has been awful. i'm feeling dead. no, not dead.. it hurts. but the pain comes and goes, and sometimes i don't feel a thing - like i'm dead. and i miss my little siblings soo much. it honestly hurt, really bad, in my heart when i think about it. and i get trouble breathing. they mean the world to me - and i just wish i could show that to them. this day is the worse day in a long time. i can't describe how i feel but it's days like this that really brings me down and that puts all bad thoughts into my brain. god, i hate my depression. why can't i live a normal life and be happy? i would give almost anything to get out of this hell and get rid of all my bad thoughts and feelings. you have no idea..
well, now i've missed almost the whole episod of criminal minds. i'm going to make myself a cup of tea and then i'm going to finish my gossip girl-book. (yes, i love the gossipgirl-books!)
tomorrow i have to go to school. after school i'm going to go home, clean up my room and then sleep the whole day off. yes - i'm in a really bad spot right now. and i don't think anyone really knows, except for me.
yesterday we got our graduationhats, finally! i bought some new stuff.. fabrics and so. started on a skirt for my little sister and another skirt for myself. and made some bracelets. and earings.
today i slept 'til two o'clock. then i made some more bracelets.. i've made 13 bracelets during these two days, and two pair of earings. and i have 7 bracelets that i have started on, but not finished.i was planning on posting pictures of everything, but i can't find the transfering-wire.. i'll look for it tomorrow.
this day has been awful. i'm feeling dead. no, not dead.. it hurts. but the pain comes and goes, and sometimes i don't feel a thing - like i'm dead. and i miss my little siblings soo much. it honestly hurt, really bad, in my heart when i think about it. and i get trouble breathing. they mean the world to me - and i just wish i could show that to them. this day is the worse day in a long time. i can't describe how i feel but it's days like this that really brings me down and that puts all bad thoughts into my brain. god, i hate my depression. why can't i live a normal life and be happy? i would give almost anything to get out of this hell and get rid of all my bad thoughts and feelings. you have no idea..
well, now i've missed almost the whole episod of criminal minds. i'm going to make myself a cup of tea and then i'm going to finish my gossip girl-book. (yes, i love the gossipgirl-books!)
tomorrow i have to go to school. after school i'm going to go home, clean up my room and then sleep the whole day off. yes - i'm in a really bad spot right now. and i don't think anyone really knows, except for me.
Monday 20 April 2009
i'm so tired all the time. im sitting in my bed eating peanut rings.. im gonna watch wire in the blood now, and maybe sleep a little.
i got my new gossip girl-book yesterday.. read 1/3 of the book. maybe i'll finish it today. if so, im gonna check if the library has the next book tomorrow. last time i checked, they didnt have the one i was going to read - i have to read them in order. well, only 46 days left to graduation today. wiho
im carving for coloring, drawing and scrapbooking today - but im too tired, i think.
i got my new gossip girl-book yesterday.. read 1/3 of the book. maybe i'll finish it today. if so, im gonna check if the library has the next book tomorrow. last time i checked, they didnt have the one i was going to read - i have to read them in order. well, only 46 days left to graduation today. wiho
im carving for coloring, drawing and scrapbooking today - but im too tired, i think.
Sunday 19 April 2009
Friday 17 April 2009
future
i'm downstairs, sitting in the couch watching ugly betty. it's an old episode, the one where brad and wilhemina is getting married and brad ends up at the hospital.
i'm really tired and has trouble keeping my eyes up. i've eaten a banana and drinking two cups of tea. uh, i want to go back to sleep! but i wont..
im going to take the bus to uppsala later, around 2 pm. im gonna go to a fabricstore and buy some fabrics and stuff so i can make som skirts that i have planned. after that im going to help alex with this gala that he's holding where bands will play, someone is going to talk about sexually transmitted diseases and all the money goes to hiv-research. im gonna work in the wardrobe where people hangs off their coats and stuff.
i have a little trouble desiding what to wear, but i will probably figure something out.
i'm really tired and has trouble keeping my eyes up. i've eaten a banana and drinking two cups of tea. uh, i want to go back to sleep! but i wont..
im going to take the bus to uppsala later, around 2 pm. im gonna go to a fabricstore and buy some fabrics and stuff so i can make som skirts that i have planned. after that im going to help alex with this gala that he's holding where bands will play, someone is going to talk about sexually transmitted diseases and all the money goes to hiv-research. im gonna work in the wardrobe where people hangs off their coats and stuff.
i have a little trouble desiding what to wear, but i will probably figure something out.
Thursday 16 April 2009
BACKSTAGE
milly
dolce & gabbana
dolce & gabbana
3.1 phillip lim
yves saint laurent
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vivienne westwood
rebecca taylor
preonza schouler
dolce & gabbana
malandrino
stella mccartney
Wednesday 15 April 2009
dress
today i went to uppsala with jessica. we went by car so it didn't take that long to get there. we drove to gränby centrum and i tried alot of dresses and finally i desided and bought my graduationdress! it is creme with a black strip at the top and puffy! it has black big flowers and i love it! it feels so good to finally have it and don't have to worry about that anymore. i found some other stuff i really loved too.. a skirt that was lovely and i think i'm gonna buy it.
Tuesday 14 April 2009
banderole
i'm kind of disappointed. i had made us a deal so we would get it for atleast half price, i offered to create the picture myself if everybody just would send me their pictures (i even had the camera with me for those who wanted me to take the picture so they wouldn't have to send me one) and what happens? i don't get the money, no one sends me their photos and no one even bother to get in touch with me to tell me.. i even spent over a hour searching for cartoons on google for those who wanted me to do so instead of they sending me pictures. i'm honestly sad, disappointed and a bit angry.
i offered to fix EVERYTHING, take their pictures, find the cartoons for them, put it together.. all they had to do was to give me the money - and we all agreed on giving me the money. but no, they wanted to email me the pictures and they have had SIX days to do it! six whole days. two guys told me that i had to take their pictures and fix their things, and i did. the rest was supposed to email me before yesterday and no one did. last night i even said to myself that i would give them two more hours, then the time had to be up because it would take atleast two hours to put the big picture together. and i didn't even get the money transfered into my account!
ooooh, im so irritated. but now i feel a little bit better, now that i have it out of my system! hah
i offered to fix EVERYTHING, take their pictures, find the cartoons for them, put it together.. all they had to do was to give me the money - and we all agreed on giving me the money. but no, they wanted to email me the pictures and they have had SIX days to do it! six whole days. two guys told me that i had to take their pictures and fix their things, and i did. the rest was supposed to email me before yesterday and no one did. last night i even said to myself that i would give them two more hours, then the time had to be up because it would take atleast two hours to put the big picture together. and i didn't even get the money transfered into my account!
ooooh, im so irritated. but now i feel a little bit better, now that i have it out of my system! hah
Monday 13 April 2009
plural
long time no see.
saturday: ate easterdinner, serached for eastereggs filled with candy (i was the last one to find mine, hah) and then we went over to tobbes place to have a little party for david who turned 19. we gave him a homemade-pornmagazine. NOT with our pictures. we took ugly pictures from the internet and put our friends faces on them. haha, it was really funny. we drank a little, played a little with a ball, listened to music and talked.
sunday: took a nice walk with sara and then we went to alex's boss for dinner. we got there by four, sat out in the sun and drank a little wine. then by six we started up the grill and began barbecuing. but we ate inside, the sun had gone to sleep - haha. we talked, ate, ate dessert, drank coffe and beer and had a good time. by nine o'clock we were home again and watched some movies.
today i woke up really late - 12.20 a.m. sara and i started painting the panel in the hall and up the stairs. we did that for a few hours, then i took a powerwalk and now i'm sitting here, just came out of the shower. waiting for dinner.
now i have to get dressed so i don't go downstairs just wearing a towel when we're going to eat!
saturday: ate easterdinner, serached for eastereggs filled with candy (i was the last one to find mine, hah) and then we went over to tobbes place to have a little party for david who turned 19. we gave him a homemade-pornmagazine. NOT with our pictures. we took ugly pictures from the internet and put our friends faces on them. haha, it was really funny. we drank a little, played a little with a ball, listened to music and talked.
sunday: took a nice walk with sara and then we went to alex's boss for dinner. we got there by four, sat out in the sun and drank a little wine. then by six we started up the grill and began barbecuing. but we ate inside, the sun had gone to sleep - haha. we talked, ate, ate dessert, drank coffe and beer and had a good time. by nine o'clock we were home again and watched some movies.
today i woke up really late - 12.20 a.m. sara and i started painting the panel in the hall and up the stairs. we did that for a few hours, then i took a powerwalk and now i'm sitting here, just came out of the shower. waiting for dinner.
now i have to get dressed so i don't go downstairs just wearing a towel when we're going to eat!
Friday 10 April 2009
today i'm wearing my hair flat for the first time in a long long time. i think the last time i flatened it was in december? and i realized how much my hair has grown since then!
got my easter-egg today. i chose not to have any candy in mine, so my mum had filled my egg with chewinggum and money instead.
1 hour and 45 minutes until my train leaves. i'm going to spend easter and the whole next week (i have easter-break from school) at alex place. have a nice easter!
got my easter-egg today. i chose not to have any candy in mine, so my mum had filled my egg with chewinggum and money instead.
1 hour and 45 minutes until my train leaves. i'm going to spend easter and the whole next week (i have easter-break from school) at alex place. have a nice easter!
Thursday 9 April 2009
easter
i took my bike to school today, just to meet up a friend and get some money from her. and i thought it would be sunny and warm outside - but boy was i wrong! when i when to unlock my bike the rain came down like a waterfall! well, i hade not much of a choice. for 10-15 minutes i rode my bike through the rain. 5 minutes later i did the same thing again, to get home. i was soking wet when i got home.
i haven't done much else today. i've been sleeping, washing clothes and reading emails on my computer.
my little sister is dressed out as a easter witch today, soo cute!
bad picture, i know. but i took it with my phone so the quality is bad.
i haven't done much else today. i've been sleeping, washing clothes and reading emails on my computer.
my little sister is dressed out as a easter witch today, soo cute!
bad picture, i know. but i took it with my phone so the quality is bad.
Wednesday 8 April 2009
Tuesday 7 April 2009
SATC
May 28th, 2010. You have probably alredy heard it, huh? SEX AND THE CITY - THE SECOND MOVIE! Yes, it's the worldpremiere that day. Now it's official! Oh, i can barely wait! When you search for "Sex and the city 2" on google, 53 300 000 text-results come up and 21 100 000 pictures, hah.
Sex and The City is, without a doubt, my favourite tv-show and when the movie came out i was so exited. After watching the film (a thailand-copy with sacky quality and noices) Sex and The City is now one of my favourite movies too!
The weddingdress that Carrie wears when she is supposed to marry Big is lovely and i think every girl would want to get married in a dress like that.
My expectations towards the next movie isn't high, but i hope that Carrie and Big are still together and i hope that they will have a baby on the way. And i hope that everything's the same with Charlotte and Miranda. And i don't know what i want for Samantha. I want her to always be who she has been, the girl that never will get married. But at the same time it would be fun to see her setteling down with a man, for real.
The thing about Sex and The City is that no matter what happens in the next movie, you always want to see more. You want to see if the relationships stay strong, you want to see their new clothes, you want to hear their new gossip. Sex and The City is the one and only thing that NEVER will go out of style!
Sex and The City is, without a doubt, my favourite tv-show and when the movie came out i was so exited. After watching the film (a thailand-copy with sacky quality and noices) Sex and The City is now one of my favourite movies too!
The weddingdress that Carrie wears when she is supposed to marry Big is lovely and i think every girl would want to get married in a dress like that.
My expectations towards the next movie isn't high, but i hope that Carrie and Big are still together and i hope that they will have a baby on the way. And i hope that everything's the same with Charlotte and Miranda. And i don't know what i want for Samantha. I want her to always be who she has been, the girl that never will get married. But at the same time it would be fun to see her setteling down with a man, for real.
The thing about Sex and The City is that no matter what happens in the next movie, you always want to see more. You want to see if the relationships stay strong, you want to see their new clothes, you want to hear their new gossip. Sex and The City is the one and only thing that NEVER will go out of style!
Monday 6 April 2009
thailand
when i get to thailand i'm gonna buy sooo much stuff! shoes, bags, dresses, shorts, tshirts, bracelets, makeup, watches, scarves, souvenires and thai-massages all the time! i can't wait until i get there! i'm gonna go to several markets and i'm gonna visit the market that's by the river - where you go by boat through all the things. i'm gonna drink fruitshakes all the time and i'm gonna take soooo many pictures and film everything i see!
and today it's only two months and two days until i leave! that's not soooo long, these two months will fly by like a flie. haha, good example, huh? 63 days. i'm so exited! give me tips!
and today it's only two months and two days until i leave! that's not soooo long, these two months will fly by like a flie. haha, good example, huh? 63 days. i'm so exited! give me tips!
Sunday 5 April 2009
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