24 days to graduation

i'm bleeding in my mouth. my gums is bleeding. it taste blood. i'm gonna wash it away with tea.

today we had a much better day at school. started with a national test - english speaking. then we had to write an evaluation on our next lession. then we had some time to talk about our graduation and we started working on our banderole. i handled the drawing and did "linefellows" (hah) that was doing different things that represent each one of us. then we did a big pregnant one, who's gonna be our teacher. at first everything went fine, but as time passed by, the level of "talking, not discussing" went higher. but concidering it was our class, it went really well. but i'm afraid we probably scared the eightgraders that visited us today, hah.
then we desided that some of us is going to fix a big white sheet until tomorrow and lina and i went to get paint, black white red and blue, paintbrushes. tomorrow we're gonna print out the pictures that i made on over-head-paper. and after that we're gonna start painting on the sheet!

my mentor, teacher, åsa came to school today and she had her two children with her. her youngest son is a few weeks old now and he was so cute! i held him for about two hours and i walked around, played with him on a blanket on the floor, sat in the classroom, painted with him in my arms. i was so happy. i didn't want to give him away, hah. it's honestly a bit strange how happy i am when i'm holding a baby. i can't even describe how i feel when i can smell a babys smell, feel a babys little fingers squeeze my finger, see how a baby looks at me, see a baby smile at me or hold a baby in my arms. it's truely undescribable. i feel warm in my entire body and i feel so happy. nothing can bother my or come in my way and i know what i want most of all - to have a baby of my own.
and it honestly hurted me when someone else held him or when i had to go home. my heart started to beat really hard and i felt a pain in my heart. it sounds silly, i know, but it's the thruth. i never experience happiness like that in other moments or situations. i can never feel more blessed or happy than i feel when i'm holding a baby in my arms.